Wizard of Ooze

August 22, 2013

CBS is developing a New York City-based medical soap opera based on “The Wizard of Oz.” I’ve taken on the task of casting the show myself.

Quick note: yes, it’s really in the works. And yes, it’s insane. It’s the perfect kind of bad idea and hopeless made-for-TV pap that a network honcho would buy into. You won’t just view this on your set, it will literally ooze out of the screen.

Dorothy: who else? It’s Lindsay Lohan! Who can save her?

The Scarecrow: let’s see… who can we find out there who doesn’t have a brain? So many to choose from! Let’s go with Anthony Weiner!

The Tin Man: we need someone who doesn’t have a heart. George Soros? Al Sharpton? Dick Cheney? I’m going with Alex “it’s all about me” Rodriguez.

The Cowardly Lion: we need someone who acts like a bully but is truly nothing more than a frightened scaredy-cat who whines and complains all the time… got it! MSNBC-TVs Chris Matthews!

The Wicked Witch of The West: duh! Hillary Clinton!

The Wicked Witch of The East: again, so many to choose from! Nancy Pelosi? Rosie O’Donnell? Nah, let’s go with Nicki Minaj!

Glenda (the “good witch”): I really struggled with this. A decent, caring, honest, helpful woman who wants to make the world better? Oprah? I’m going with Ellen Degeneres.

Toto: (a lapdog) John McCain.

The Flying Monkeys: The Democratic Party

The Chanting Marching Soldiers: a bunch of people who make a lot of noise and don’t accomplish anything? The Republican Party.

The Wizard: any question? It’s President Obama! “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!”