TWO BIG BENEFIT SHOWS FOR HAITI COMING UP: Sunday, January 31, 2010 at Canyon Ridge Christian Church and Thursday, February 4, 2010 at First Baptist Church, Augusta, GA
Want to save money while learning a foreign language? Take Spanish at your local ATM! All the new dictionaries that have been printed in the past couple of years are more expensive than ever. You want to know why? Because they’re all High-Definition Dictionaries! We all know the state of California is having a financial meltdown. Here at Taylor Mason Headquarters, we figured out the problem. Why was Governor Schwarzenegger a better actor than a politician? Because he has never nominated a Secretary of Special Effects! Guess what accountants eat for breakfast? Give up? They start each day with a big bowl of their favorite cereal: NUMBER CRUNCH! Try to stay with us on this one. Let’s say there was a great actor in Alaska, a man who did not own a puppy dog, but lived in a big city. What do you think his name might be? Give up? DOGLESS FAIRBANKS! We have stopped going to weddings. We always manage to embarrass ourselves. The last ceremony we attended, the bride was wearing a beautiful white gown with what appeared to be intricate lace along the shoulders. Stunning. So as we shook hands in the reception line, we mentioned it: “What beautiful lace!” The bride gave us an angry stare and said, “It’s a tattoo.” Oops, our bad. And finally, you must have heard about the Jamaican man who was on trial for murder? His case was thrown out of court this week because the jury was… dreadlocked!