This is a true story: The United States Congress, with the lowest approval ratings in history, voted to make today (May 25) “National Tap Dance Day.” Thank goodness those guys are working hard on the issues that matter most to all of us. Here at Taylor Mason Headquarters, we think it’s to honor British Petroleum’s efforts to stop the oil leak. Poor BP… the oil company is in so much trouble they are seriously considering filling the leak up with old golf balls. The PGA came close to canceling the Senior Tour because they thought BP said “old golfers.” The craziest story from last week comes from Danvers, Massachusetts, where a man was cleaning a sausage-making machine. As he was working, the machine turned on and the man was sucked up into the machine, barely escaping with his life. I’ve had the same exact thing happen to me on a social networking site on the web. It’s called “Linked-In.” The guy should have known he was in trouble. The sausage-making factory is called “Sweeney Todd’s.” How quickly things change! One year ago Cleveland Cavalier’s head coach Mike Brown was named “Coach of the Year.” He was fired over the weekend after the Cavs didn’t live up to the high expectations. Brown is hoping to catch on with another team led by a spoiled superstar who hasn’t been able to win anything since moving into the big time, but the Democratic Party turned him down. THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S GUIDE TO VENTRILOQUISM is getting great reviews and it’s on sale now!