June 7, 2013

I rented a power washer last week to clean the roof on the north side of our modest 5-bedroom house in sleepy, comfortable and very wealthy Moorestown, NJ. It’s the land of broad lawns and narrow minds, and no, I have never quite fit in. You have to keep up with the neighborhood here, or […]

May 21, 2013

In a stunning turn of events that I could never have foreseen or predicted, my partner Romeo has been accused by The United States Government of criminal activity. President Obama himself (see picture) came to my humble home in Moorestown this week and personally arrested Romeo. Apparently my alter ego is the “low level staff […]

May 20, 2013

I wrote a song just for you – here it is!  ConGrads Sincere congratulations to those of you graduating from college this spring, and to those of you who will be offering living quarters to those who are graduating this spring. Quick advice for job seekers: a great way to get to an interview first […]

May 6, 2013

Here are some notes for anyone who likes opera, is an opera singer, or wants to fake it and act like they know opera. You’re welcome! Here are some comments you can make: “I can’t sing with her. Her perfume is clogging my resonating cavities!” “Although my part is quite small, I believe the audience […]

April 30, 2013

Fresh off a prom show last weekend, I’m uniquely qualified to bring America up to speed on today’s 13-to-18 year-old people. The prom theme, “Human Rights Violations” was a little off-putting, but the only one who seemed to notice was the girl behind a card table. She was dressed like a member of 1990’s emo […]