SCARY NEWS

September 30, 2008


In Major League Baseball’s first use of instant replay last week, umpires ruled a home run by Yankee Alex Rodriguez was fair. In the second use of instant replay, the umpires ruled that a hot dog vendor shortchanged a customer while everyone was waiting for the first ruling. IT WORKS!

The Cowboys beat the Eagles 41-37 on Monday night. The worst injury: the scorekeeper fainted and landed in his hot latte. He should have feinted.und in circles? Congress.

The University of Idaho football team has decided to remove the letter “I” from the buttocks region of players’ new pants following a season-opening 70-0 loss to the Arizona Wildcats. The team will play its next game with no logo, but if they lose like that again, the coaches should replace the “I” with a bull’s-eye and start kicking some butts.

An Illinois man is free on bond after being accused of setting another man’s pants on fire while drinking and camping in the backyard. He’s hoping to convince the jury that the accuser is lying and that’s what ignited his pants.  He’s using the “liar, liar, pants-on-fire” defense, which you never see on Law & Order.

The reason the economy is a mess is because Alan Greenspan no longer runs the Fed. THAT IS THE PERFECT NAME FOR SOMEONE WHO RUNS THE FEDERAL RESERVE! Greenspan. Green = money. Span = spanning the globe, the markets and influencing the future. The current Fed Head is Ben Bernanke. The only way he can save the U.S. economy is to take the E-R-N out of his name, move the “B” next to the “A” and become BEN BANKE. Now THAT is the name of a guy who runs the Fed!

David Spade’s publicist confirmed the actor has a new baby daughter, his first child, with Playboy Playmate Jillian Grace. You can tell the girl is Spade’s daughter because none of the other babies in the nursery like her.

More scary news on the job front: according to the Labor Department’s latest figures, the nation’s unemployment rate zoomed to a five-year high of 6.1 percent in August as employers slashed 84,000 jobs. The report was incomplete because many of those jobs belonged to polltakers.

U.S. Coast Guard officers were called to stop a pilot-less boat from spinning in circles at Virginia Beach after its two occupants fell overboard. Do you know what sailors call a pilot-less ship going aro