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May 13, 2014
The truth is that many, many great books have titles that are oppressive or some sort of -ism (you can take your pick).
I have come to the rescue! Here are some great titles from literature that I’ve taken the liberty to re-name, in the spirit of progressivism, love, peace and fairness – so nobody’s feelings are hurt and political activism is promoted!
THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA: Obviously the word “old” is an insult. Ice caps are melting. New title: “THE MALE SENIOR CITIZEN AND THE RISING OCEAN LEVEL.”
MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY: This is clearly a stab in the back to organized labor! New title: “CRISES AND INSURGENCY, NOT TO MENTION VIOLENCE, DUE TO UNION STRIKES AND UNRESOLVED PERSONNEL ISSUES ON A VESSEL KNOWN AS THE BOUNTY.”
THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME: The sheer audacity of the title in modern times is enough to start a round of congressional hearings! New title: “THE VICTIM OF NO HEALTH CARE, LIVING IN POVERTY, WITH A SEVERE PHYSICAL AILMENT WHO RINGS THE BELL AT NOTRE DAME.”
LITTLE WOMEN: Do I even need to state the obvious again? New title: “HEIGHT-DISADVANTAGED FEMALES WHO ARE JUST AS GOOD IF NOT BETTER THAN MALES.”
MOBY DICK: I’m not even going to explain the many reasons this title is offensive! New title: “A VIOLENT PSYCHOPATH WHO KILLS WILDLIFE FOR PERSONAL PLEASURE MEETS HIS MATCH AND GETS WHAT’S COMING TO HIM.”
I’m re-writing history myself, and you can see me do it live. I’m in Manassas, Virginia this Saturday, May 17 and Mitchellville, Maryland on Sunday May 18. Tickets here: www.wava.com – and there is a special deal – groups of 4 or more qualify for $10 ticks per person! See you there!