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February 9, 2010
Since I travel so much, I see a little bit of everything. For example, every town in the country has a “sports bar.” I had never been to one, so I finally decided to take the plunge and visit an establishment. It was amazing. It was breathtaking…
The place was huge. They had three basketball games, a football game and a hockey game all going on simultaneously. Not on TV. I’m saying these games were all happening right in the place! Now that’s what I call a sports bar!
It can be confusing as I travel city-to-city and state-to-state. Franchises and stores open and close and move and relocate. I spent two hours the other day trying to find a stationary store. I’m not talking about a store that sells paper and cards and pens. I’m talking about a store that doesn’t move. A stationary store.
It’s frustrating. I live in New Jersey, which is mucho expensive! I was all ready to move into a beautiful new apartment in a gorgeous suburb, minutes from the city, for $800 a month! I was all ready to make the move, but just my luck: there wasn’t anybody offering a deal like that.
Things in New York City are getting tougher, too. The other day I was on Broadway, and I asked a guy for the time. “What’s it worth to ya?” he asked. I was in a hurry, so I gave him a quarter. “It’s after 5pm,” he said. How much after 5? “That’s extra,” he said.
And I don’t know if you heard, but there is some controversy surrounding Punxsutawney Phil, the groundhog who didn’t see his shadow the other day, predicting 6 more weeks of losing for the hapless New Jersey Nets NBA team. Phil apparently bit MSNBC announcer Keith Olbermann. There was a question about whether or not a rabies shot would have to be given, but we have the latest on the story direct from Taylor Mason Headaquarters. Don’t worry: Phil didn’t contract rabies! Olbermann, however, is foaming at the mouth.