Just in time for August (literally), here is Taylor’s latest newsletter, I Am My Data. Enjoy!
April 28, 2014
Can we get it out in the open? The word is spelled “nuclear,” and according to Webster’s is pronounced “nooklee-er.” Got it? Good. It’s out in the open now and we all know how to say the word. So let’s move on.
The countries we worry most about having a nuclear weapon are Iran and North Korea. Yes, yes, the Russians have a goofy leader and the Chinese have all sorts of weaponry. I don’t see them sending nukes our way simply because our economies are tied in together. Especially the Chinese. The Russian is just goofy (even though he’s showing us up right now, but that’s a different blog). So let’s focus on Iran and Wacko Boy in North Korea.
One thing is very clear: both these countries need a delivery system for their warheads, and best guesstimates say their “rockets” can only go some 150 miles, give or take. Not much solace for Israel, but then again, we’re talking about Iran – where half their military “build-up” is amateurish PhotoShop images. What will Iran do? And what will Lil’ NoKorea Kim do? Maybe call UPS – “Logistics! I need logistics for sending a nuke!” – or FedEx – “Hello, Federal Express? Can I leave a device in one of your drop boxes? Can you deliver something that weighs 20 megatons to Washington, DC, overnight? Yes, I’ll need delivery confirmation.”
So I have tried to come up with a plan to help President Obama deal with the clowns running a couple of nations that can’t feed their people but have access to plutonium. The egos and the thirst for power these leaders have are the achilles heel for all morons. So we need the best and brightest to put an end to the insanity.
The plan? Get one studio to produce a new super-hero-action movie. And give lead roles to Kim and the Mullah, beefy parts that let them “star” in an international blockbuster. They’d take whatever part we give them, bad guy, good guy, whatever. Kim starring as the evil genius, stroking a white cat (sure, give him an eye patch!). The Mullah as a double agent, who knows which side he’s on but WHO CARES? Because in their own countries the story will get spun the way they want it to be and the point is that they’ll be so busy with learning their lines, then filming, then doing the promo for the film, then making public appearances touting the film that destroying the USA doesn’t even make the bucket list! Heck, why not give them an Oscar? We’re talking WORLD PEACE here!
This Friday night, May 2, I’m in Malibu, California! COME ON OUT TO SEE THE SHOW!