Lawsuit

August 10, 2016


God LawyerA man at my old church has filed a “breach of contract” suit against God. He bought a lottery ticket, prayed, patiently waited for the results and lost when the grand prize was awarded to a lawn service worker in another town. This, despite God’s written promises that “anything you asked in faith would be granted.”

This man has based his lawsuit on the following:

Matthew 21:22 – And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.

Mark 11:24 – Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.

John 14:14 – If you ask anything in my name, I will do it.

The clerk who sold this person the losing lottery ticket at the local convenience store is named Ahmed Saayid. Though he would prefer the use of “Allah” when referencing the Creator, he is willing to testify this person bought the lottery ticket at his store, took the ticket and prayed there and then on the spot! (The exact words: “Dear God, please let me win, just this once!”)

He established God’s residence at our church (Timothy 3:14 refers to church as “The household of God”). He and his lawyers are fairly certain that Jesus will comply with the summons, based on His behavior during His previous arrest.

*  A personal side note here: I’ve always been a little surprised that Jesus never filed a wrongful death suit against the Roman Empire. And what about the 150-plus times in the Old Testament where He could have filed “breach of contract” against His own people? All that to say that I doubt Jesus will file a countersuit against the guy suing Him.

There are applicable precedent cases for the attorneys in this case, including Moses et al vs. The Almighty in their 40-years of wandering in the desert after He promised to lead them to “a new land.” The estates of original defendants settled out of court for this “promised” property, plus they got military assistance in evicting the current occupants at the time.

Let’s not forget Adam & Eve vs. The Almighty, either. They sued for “reckless endangerment” since God did not properly secure the Tree of Knowledge. And then there is the case of the completely improper eviction from The Garden – they were not given 30-days’ notice, and the subsequent eviction that included flaming swords was not only over-the-top, but dangerous to innocent people in the area.

All that to say, I think this man has a shot.

Hope you can come see me this weekend in Yonkers, New York; or in 2 weeks – Tuesday, August 23rd – at The Punchline in Atlanta. Tix info below!

HA! Comedy Club/Yonkers

The Punchline/Atlanta