I KEEP ON GETTING YOUNGER

April 18, 2012


I entered my schedule on a Google calendar last week, and the entire internet went down for 2 hours. Here is what I’ve been doing for the past month!

Thursday, March 22: I was on stage at 6:30am this morning, performing for a group in a large conference room at Illinois State University. The weather was particularly warm for Illinois this day, and since the air conditioning was not working in the building I sweat through my clothes 10 minutes into my presentation. How did it go? I have no idea. I was asleep. IT WAS 6:30AM!!

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This evening I was the headliner for a comedy show at Bloomington High School – an incredible facility considering it isn’t a “professional” theater. The guys who ran the lights, sound and tech were all high school students. Amazing. Best part of the night: some fraternity brothers from my days at The University of Illinois and Sigma Chi came to the show. None of them has aged. They looked and acted the same way they did some _____ years ago. Déjà vu doesn’t cover it – I was in a time warp!

Thanks to Doug Faulkner and his family for having me to central Illinois.

After the evening performance I drove back to Chicago, slept a couple of hours and flew to Utah.

Friday, March 23: I’m on stage at The Salt Palace Convention Center in Salt Lake City, Utah. The house is packed, energetic and loud. The show rocks – there are a ton of teen-agers in the audience and they’re totally receptive. It’s an awesome night. Thank you Jeff Stephenson!

Saturday, March 24: I fly overnight – I leave the convention center, drive like crazy to the airport and catch a red-eye to Charlotte, then fly to Philadelphia. I get in a car, go to the gym, drive to Baltimore and I’m doing a show at The Church at Severn Run. They treat me better than I deserve. After the show I drive home to New Jersey.

I NEED SOME REST.

Saturday, March 31: I perform at a birthday party for my friend Christy Newman. As often happens, my luggage doesn’t show up in Portland, Oregon, where my performance is taking place. Note to airlines – losing a ventriloquists luggage is akin to stealing a blind person’s dog! Christy goes out and buys a ton of puppets and materials at a Toys ‘R’ Us, and I throw some stuff together so that I can do my act.

 

The venue is the “Milwaukie Center”, and I might be the first comedian to ever have worked there. The piano is LITERALLY BEING HELD TOGETHER WITH DUCT TAPE! Awesome! Thank you Christy for all your grace.

Sunday, April 1: I fly to Kansas City then drive to Joplin, Missouri. The good folks of Missouri Farm Bureau Insurance let me use the “Clay” puppet from the TV commercials I’m doing for them, and I crank out a 75-minute show for a great crowd – thanks Roger Lieb for everything! I hang out afterward with my pal Darlena, her mom and beau, and Darlena’s little boy Christian. Then I drive back to Kansas City and fly at the break of dawn .

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Tuesday, April 2: Once, when my kids were very small, someone asked them, “What does your daddy do?” They said, “He flies on airplanes.” I’m back on an early-morning flight to Cozumel, Mexico, this morning, and I join the DISNEY FANTASY for a week. It’s the “maiden voyage” for this ship, which is beautiful beyond description. I share the venue with notable Disney/Broadway superstars like “Larry The Cable Guy,” and Stephen Schwartz and Susan Egan and Lea Solanga. Is there a better stage in the world than The Walt Disney Theater? My dear friends Ted and Karen are on board, and we have dinner together one night to catch up. It’s an amazing job sometimes, doing what I do… what do I do again?

April 13: I wake up yesterday in Mexico, fly to New Jersey, spend a night at home then fly this morning to Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. I think this should tell you exactly how my career is going: I HAVE TO GO TO OTHER COUNTRIES TO WORK! I’m at the Dutch Canadian Club tonight, and many thanks to my host Geoff Vandekuyt. His group raises some $27,000 for a missions trip, and the show is more fun than I deserve.

April 17: I’m home. I’m paying taxes. I HAVE PROFIT-SHARING WITH THE IRS!

Thanks for reading. Hope to see you on the road somewhere!